As I wandered out of the desert my head was down. I felt the soil of this earth under my feet and I picked up a stone, feeling it’s edges. It was the most tangible feeling in years. I noticed my ability to smell cold clean air, against the stale past.
I was walking into the grey. It was not dense fog that surrounded me, but the identity of victimization that was stripped clean, as if it was bark off a cedar tree. It clung to my skin, and I bathed.
That was and always will be useless pain, hindering ability to build strength. So I continued to walk into the moist air.
It was the grey that truth reigned and I could see behind me and I understood the truths of my errors. The callous of looking beyond myself, and onto others had proved me wrong. There with no mirrors anymore, no place to see what I’d become. Pride didn’t come, it had owned my experience as projection based fuel that once set my brain on fire.
Further, I moved into this space, knowing that the truth of acceptance was allowing me to learn from mistakes, and as well accepting the credit, as the two were inextricably linked, as they are for all.
As I was in this place pain was all around, however I invited the rod across my back with the sting of new memories and wisdom born anew. There was no reason to throw this stone which my past had invited me to do so.
I drifted towards the grey, to see both sides, pointing my thoughts to how He would use me tomorrow. The walls fell, the stronghold was torn, and I could see what was asked of us all. We are called to love first, listen second and ask questions last.