“I love you. You… complete me.” – Jerry Maguire
“Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at hello.” – Dorothy Boyd
“Show me the money!” – Rod Tidwell
The three most famous lines in the film Jerry Maguire, and in this film we see the exact reasons why people should not be married. To be fair, I cannot remember how this movie ended, but I’m sure there was a typical legacy ending where the viewer was sent out of the theatre into, I don’t know, “what if” land.
What if, in our society, we didn’t look for people to complete us? What if we stood independent in who we are are as people and allowed ourselves to not be molded into one flesh? Not to be blindingly heretical here, and it is if we look at the truth of what God says about marriage, then we must wonder about the success of our marriages and who we end up becoming in marriage if we lose our identity by becoming one.
In these days there are no pregnant pauses in our lives. To fill the time when there is a moment to move on from one conversation, we pick up device and noodle our brains into a place where everything is so real, so full of texture in its ability to completely debase ourselves from what is real that we can and do forget what the next important thing we were going to say to our spouse. The device will never let us down, if we have a conscious we move back to the moment within the moment by when we were most elated, broken, or humbled by whatever got our attention among the pixels in that allowance of space between the eyes, brain, heart and device.
So we move on. Do we talk about our experience among the data? Do we move to gain a better understanding of how another might feel about the visitor from another source into our homes? I’d say most of the time, if you were more honest with yourself and you were living your way out of a rut, what would be the next step? Would it be a vacation, that plane to the water that is 70 feet deep looks 5 feet deep, and then to the hotel suite with fresh fruit waiting for you with an infinity pool? The real thing here is that you choose to treat every day with your spouse as it were your last. Those days are your true retreats.
Jesus ministry was 3 years, his time on Earth, changed the course of human history, like it, believe it, or be indifferent; the choice is yours up to this point. It is the fact. Do you and your spouse have a profound effect on each other by what you bring to the table? Does that mean “I love you. You… complete me” is how the two pieces of a puzzle fit together like yin and yang or do we constantly change, and evolve over time with no end in sight?
It may be difficult if your marriage is painful because of losing sight of happiness due to things like deaths in the family and other things that are seemingly out of our control. If we choose, however to ask difficult the questions in the midst of difficult times more is revealed than we could ever hope to be seen if we allow the texture of what these misgivings are in order to see the learning moment of actually getting to know the other. It isn’t “… you me had at hello,” and if it was, you were joined most times for the wrong reasons. Granted, the ability to see another in a fresh and different light is the aroma of why we turn to this new person in our lives, possibly the first interest, however unlikely, but usually is towards someone else.
The first days are the hottest days of our life together as we turn over one another as if rolling in a field together on warm spring days, uncaring of how we smelled, or how we appeared. That is how you know it is real. If you care so little of how you appear in the first days. This is of course after teenage love, no this is to speak of a burning desire.
The real part of this smoldering love is that it cools. But is it?
True love grows with no need for the kind of romance going back and forth with heartache and desire and the lovemaking seen in these films. These films are where people go to escape their own marriage, and for two hours have an affair with someone they never thought possible in places and times they will never see.
True love does in fact allow for pregnant pauses to be pregnant with anticipation of what your spouse will say next. Isn’t that why people go to the movies to see others fall in love; the anticipation. That is what we want. We want comfort and surprise that these escapes provide. We are almost certain we will get comfort thanks to our favorite travel site, the anticipation of what will happen on that beach, the hotel room, and café of your dreams. Without this fertile romance and actual life drama, the relationship becomes dull, divided and dead.
To be true, the relationship isn’t the problem, the problem is you. The you in the issue is that you haven’t figured out what, not who completes you. The meaning in your life is you are here for, and how you are going to get it, not another person, or how people perceive you. Changing the world, no matter how small the piece you change is enumerably important to this world, and why you were brought into this world by a God who knew you, just you, before time was time. If you follow your purpose, relationships will follow.
The device, the vacation, the film… these are all traps to take you away from the pain of being who you are if who you currently are, is not what you are meant to be. Ditch them, and say here we go, let’s face the pain of growing into the best part of our life now while we remember why we are doing the drill in the first place.
To quote another film, The Shawshank Redemption, the quote we all remember is “get busy living or get busy dying.”
What we often don’t see is that Andy had a life in that film. Three lives, actually. After all it was allegedly, just another three act film. The life before prison, the life that was prison, after being wrongfully convicted, and the life after prison (albeit a short act with a legacy ending). The reality in that film is that Andy, while living a life to free himself from prison while in that prison, he did one thing that most would never do. He climbed one mile down a one mile long pipe of shit to get to the side of freedom.
Most of us aren’t willing to climb through that pipe of our hurts, hangups, to get to the other side, to the side where purpose ignites. We aren’t willing to get to the other side, period, and truly most of us don’t see the pipe, and to be frank, many of us don’t see the prison we are in just to confront out pain.
We run, we distract and we spend time an money impressing people we don’t know. We are the diva, Rod Tidwell in Jerry Maguire who insists that in life like relationships we ask others to show us the perfection we think that will make us complete. We don’t chip at the wall, sprinkle rocks in the prison yard, year after year until we can come to terms with ourselves and face the pipe that leads to freedom. We don’t. We exit stage left, hoping for brighter days in the infinity pool, snapping a selfie waiting for real change, only to return home to another time to try and get it right another way, if at all possible.
If you don’t examine the real pain in your life, you most likely won’t be good at your purpose, because you either won’t find it, and you may not be good at this purpose because you haven’t taken a true life inventory and then get to the basic integrity of life. The true value of who you are and the importance of being real with yourself, and with others. You might also say being real with God, but no chance, God knew you before you knew you.
Grace and Mercy to All.