Relationship is currency. We pay into them as Steven J. Covey said in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He also said we make withdrawals. We effectively have a balance that we must keep in the bank. We pay into people in how we treat them, by the way. If we make too many withdrawals we end up in a shortage of how the relationship is balanced, and it becomes strained.
What about if we take this a level deeper and understand that the deposits into their lives and hearts we give to people are theirs to do with them what they will? Albeit parenting may have its caveats.
When giving money to the poor or a charity, is it our right and/or our responsibility to delegate where those funds will go? We have all said, “it’s not my business what he does with it, he looked hungry.”
I believe the same is true for the relationship we pour into another. At some point we have to say either this person is purely managing the advice or care given, or not. Certainly it is then up to us to make yet another personal decision to not personalize those feelings of being let down by another’s failures.
We don’t care because we have to. We care because we are called by the relationship we have with the person and with God to protect. When a person rejects that cover, what do we do? Do we run back time and time again to ask them to see a point of view that everyone sees but them? Perhaps, but in time we must love enough to let go and let God, pardon the cliché.
Given the circumstances of life, given the chance that two people have in a common understanding of what the issue is at hand, and if common sense is agreed upon, then move forward. If common sense is not conviction enough, then we cannot exhaust ourselves and make deposits into a relationship that draws upon lack of desire for real change.
Does this mean we do not forgive and move to forget the individual? No, we commit it to prayer and move to a place of understanding that time is not a wasteland of despair, but a place and time of which we hope that reconciliation or reckoning will take place. I mention prayer because I fail to recognize a body of work that has stood the test of time when prayer was not involved. Not that it’s a guarantee, but certainly a thing of beauty at site unseen.
Relationship with the intent on hope for and healing and a desire for understanding that surpasses all notions. We must believe, or actually move into a place of trust that true change is not only real, but understood as the only reality that truly stands the test of time and as Einstein said, it is the true measure of intelligence.
People adapt, or they lose their ability to choose, or worse yet, were never given the ability to choose on their own. For the people that pour into those relationships, we say thank you, the call for ultimate patience, as a virtue hat has all been lost on this world is a gift, and a blessing.
In essence giving to get a good return on your work when it comes to people is a fool’s investment. To this point I would disagree with Covey’s analogy and say that we cannot give to get, we give because it’s the right thing to do, and the only thing to do. The nuance to remember is that people must be not led to listen, but instead listen and then choose to be led. If they move on without hearing or acting upon care to change, then ultimately we must care from a distance.
Loving at its start is a choice. It is the momentum if two or more people to make it carry momentum to be a movement in a heart or amongst many hearts which carry real change we can see for history.
“If you want one year of prosperity, grow grain. If you want 10 years of prosperity, grow trees. If you want 100 years of prosperity, grow people.” ~ Chinese Proverb