This is a partial list of my shadow work. It is a therapeutic Jungian principal of gaining a better understanding of who we are as people. As I traverse this list I see that I can accept many of the people in my life see only the shadow self in me and not the reasoning behind my shadow self. We often have no idea that our shadow is the only visible side to our persona. Unfortunately until we take a moral inventory of ourselves and take aim at correcting these faults we continue to harm ourselves and unknowingly others who stand in our way. This is a good exercise for me to chip away at pride. Pride is the gateway drug for sin. While sin is not necessarily our proclivities or deeds, it is in fact a symptom of not being the best person that we can be. If you think success is not owning who you are, then you’ll walk through this life as an abject person devoid of all understanding of all that is real. I can assure anyone that the job you have is no indication of your ability to be a quality person. I have helped many people, but it is only through God using someone broken to make good things happen. I am concerning myself with the negative side, there are many facets of myself that I do enjoy that are not based in shameful self pride, ambition and all around self-deceit. However an unexamined life is a life I do not wish to live.
The I’s have it.
I have from time to time engaged in acts of evil like being glad when others have bad things happen to them.
In turn, I am kind first to others until I am hurt by them. Although, people who have harmed me, have done this without knowledge.
I have lied to my wife and others about my integrity and intentions.
I have done this because I am weak, and while I know this doesn’t make it right, I am only a human born with frailty.
I chose to exaggerate both good and bad to put myself in the best light.
I have done this to compensate for being told I was unworthy for most of my life.
I am a loudmouth who wears his beliefs on a sleeve to fend off possible scrutiny.
I have done this for the sake of not being abused continually. Unfortunately it has only opened the door for more scrutiny.
I have cursed like a sailor with skill and an all too adept nature.
I have been surrounded by a world of filth and have compensated for my lack of ability to accept responsibility.
I have placed responsibility on others without remorse and have in turn fallen into a victim mentality.
I am in the process of accepting both the credit and blame on a continual basis so I can to the business of making life better.
I am addicted to nearly anything that comes my way.
Eventually I see the worth, or lack thereof of items and shun them, and understand they always have a hangover of all sorts, forcing me into a responsibility accepting situation that can often spiral if I don’t recognize a pattern.
I fear failure and fear losing the comfort of people, places, and beliefs.
I do this because I am neurotic to the point of being aggressive to show people my inward skepticism.
Fortunately I find myself being covered and God shows me the error of my ways until I learn better.
I am overcome with the nearly unhealthy relationship with myself to break free of entanglements that hinder long term happiness.
I am obscenely critical to the point of absurdity and will run to the moral high ground without being open to the point of self acceptance. I expect more from others than myself.
I do this because critical love was the only love I knew.
My pride knows no boundaries.
It has been set due to my lack of understanding about who I have been and how much I have been terrorized to the point as I use it as a safety reserve to look at choosing anything good about myself that I can in a world that will demolish me if I allow.
I know there is much more of an exhaustive list. There are specifics and there are generalities that I left out. But until I engage the issues that allow myself any harm to come to somebody else due to self ignorance, then I must be mindful of the truth that will set me free.