The way you know you love your spouse is that the moment you realize they are a completely different person than the person you initially met. If you would still marry them again, then you know. They are the one – forever.
I heard this idea recently. The same is true for anyone. If we allow another the space to be who they are instead of putting them in a place of who we’d like them to be or stay. At that point we are wrestling with our own ability to adapt. We’d also enjoy our attitudes assimilating with theirs, whether it’s their truth or not. Our incessant need for validation and agreeable comfort is weakness. It’s an addiction.
As Anthony De Mello puts it, and I paraphrase: if your attachments are so strong that you need another person to be like you, then you are the one who lives in a prison. You are the one who cannot adjust to see the light. It is you who needs to drop your attachments to allow another to change, grow and possibly be where, and who they choose to be with or without you.
If you don’t enjoy someone because of their attitude or conversation, you have all the power to remove yourself or move to understand them. You cannot control them or what they do, say or believe. You’ll only be frustrated with them when it’s you who in error because you forget the inherent value of all people. Like water: see below.
People change all the time, it is our ability to see them differently that reveals our freedom, not theirs. They have already moved on. It is you who holds onto what makes sense for you.
Tao Te Ching Chapter 8 . An excerpt
Supreme good is like water.
Water greatly benefits all things, without conflict.
It flows through places that people loathe.
Thereby it is close to the Way.