When we are feeling triggered while in the midst of battle it is not much different from Sisyphus slowly rolling his stone up the hill.
As Sisyphus neared the crest of the hill and was closer to pushing it over the top of the hill, gravity became greater, like a trigger’s temptation – the stone may tumble upon him and like him we may relent and allow the stone to roll over us, cause damage and we must begin again.
Before this happens, focus and add fortitude while also understanding the joy that is the victory of perseverance. While the myth of Sisyphus is that he eternally rolled the rock up and down the hill, we as humans are not scripted to this pain.
It is overcoming the myths that we personally subscribe, in order to enabling more thoughts that disable our identity that we need practice to step into day after day. It builds muscle to keep on pushing.
Focus on the joy of releasing the stone and watching it being crushed on the other side after it falls and we are victorious in this battle of the war that wages for our hearts.
For myself, it’s the need for validation. The drama, the self-destruction at the expense of success to cause the friction. Survival in a world of chaos was the only thing I knew as a child, so how am I to do any better if I don’t have help. I hope this transparent article and a dying cell phone battery is the not the very least you have. If it is, please find help, find quality people you can trust. A therapist if you can afford one, a caring friend that needs nothing from you, a parent that is good to you, a pastor or qualified specialist in your area of need.
We learn so much from the pain, but for those who know, there are better ways to win at life than messing up in a repetitive cycle. I would call it a stubborn spirit to learn. Obedience is one thing, and so few of us have the taught dynamic to be obedient at the outset, rather than learning from steps, time and time again.
Understanding the causal networks of the data of life that beget more responses that in turn cause more self harm. The sabotage cycle unearthed is this: the decision to step off the merry go round of pain and seek space to just be. I don’t want to be the person that says jump off the merry go round, or just pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get better and make the decision to stop a behavior phase of healing the actual sickness. However, at some point something has got to give.￼
Break the stereotype, break the mold on you. Build callous on getting it right, surprise the doubters. Keep people guessing by dropping out of the usual routine that’s got you down. Starve yourself of that one thing. For me – it’s the validation, for another it’s a two grams of weed, pornography for the fifth time in a week, I don’t know… whatever you have lost control of and you cannot get it back.
Understanding the beauty of walking into freedom to learn something else, because if you are an addict, you will need a healthy approach for a new you, and it will come possibly with faith, or climbing a mountain, hopefully without pushing a stone for accompaniment. Build that muscle of not being who you were, and simply imagine who you going to be and with prayer and meditation, take daily steps to reach that goal.
Try doing it like the only person watching you us the person you trust the most with the real you. Who would you trust with the four old version of you to go to the playground and feel safe and loved? Who would be the person who comforted you when the family dog died? Who would hold your hand while you cried when Zach didn’t show up for your first real date?
That person in an idealistic sense is God in my opinion. God is the only being who will not allow your B.S. to permeate the truth of where you actually need to be, that you will know, yet lie to yourself by buying things you don’t need, directing yourself away from the pain that you may currently be numbing. God will love you every step of the way regardless of the progress that the rest of the world will judge you on.
Here is the deal: God more times than not, like a million times more, wants collateral on your dreams. He wants you to set it in action by pressing in and asking for help when you know you cannot do it on your own.
How do if know if God is truly right there? If you have committed the goal to prayer, and the answers you are looking for, in the form of knowledge and wisdom, come to you when you know in your heart those gifts would not be there otherwise. God ain’t your moneymaker, God ain’t going to bring you a man, God is going to give you the tools and the knowledge at being more able to be the attract those things to you by not being a person who struggles at relationships. You have to make his world better for the next person who hasn’t seen God move in their world.
Relationships make these things happen, small trust based relationships built with more people than you glean from your life. Unfortunately that is very important too. Removing dead leaves only make the orchid grow more beautifully.
Now for the people who don’t have your back… they don’t matter… pro tip – don’t advertise what you’re working on to those who don’t have your back. They love a good sob storyline, at anyone’s expense but their own. Keep the faith, keep more promises to yourself than you break and record your success. If you are diligent what simply may be waking up every morning and savoring that coffee, and not regretting the night before – that may be enough.
You are enough, and you don’t need the pain of a rock rolling over your foot to the bottom of the hills of your life to prove it.